I composed the below sentences to mean
The company should contribute to the sustainability by:
- Proactive development of environmentally friendly products
- Reducing environmental load
Which sentence from the below mean the above more correctly?
Example 1
The company should contribute to the realization of a sustainable society by reducing and lowering environmental loads in each step of the lifecycle of environmentally-friendly products, from proactive development to ultimate disposal.
Example 2
The company should contribute to the realization of a sustainable society by proactively developing environmentally-friendly products, and reducing and lowering environmental loads in each step of their lifecycle from production to ultimate disposal.
Answer
Both sentences are dreadful. That is, if you wish to communicate something rather than sound good. Your explanation at the outset of the question is actually rather clearer.
What are you saying the company should do?
-
“proactively develop” something
How can anyone develop something other than proactively?-
“reducing and lowering” something.
Why both words? They mean the same thing. -
how do “environmentally friendly products” differ from those that are “reducing environmental load”?
-
What I think you might be saying is:” The company can best contribute to sustainability by developing products that are environmentally friendly at all stages of their lifecycle, including disposal.”
Attribution
Source : Link , Question Author : Jun Kyoto , Answer Author : JeremyC
