Avoiding language repetition: grammar still ok? [closed]

I’m not native, but feel that the following text proposed by my collaborator

The elements of Pluto are of interest, among other reasons, because
Pluto has a large eccentricity, Pluto has a large inclination, and
Pluto’s orbit crosses with Neptune’s.

is a bit repetitive and can be improved as

The elements of Pluto are of interest, among other reasons, because
it has a large eccentricity, large inclination, and
crosses Neptune’s orbit.

However, my collaborator (an American) argues my change has incorrect grammar and that his original is completely acceptable and fully in line with recommended writing style (he mentions Strunk & White ‘Elements of Style’).

Is this really so (both incorrect grammar and repetition good style)?


Edit 1 elements refers to the orbital elements and is perfectly clear in the context of this sentence. I didn’t ask about this.


Edit 2 What about changing it to Pluto in my ‘improvement’ (my actual text communicated to my co-author)? Would that still be grammatical?

Answer

I’ll go FumbleFingers one further and argue that you need to rid yourself of elements altogether. You’re really talking about the ex-planet’s orbit:

Pluto’s orbit is interesting because of its large eccentricity, large inclination, and the fact that it crosses with Neptune’s.

If you want to emphasize the fact that you’re talking about Pluto, change the subject to Pluto itself and repeat as you feel necessary:

Pluto is interesting because Pluto’s orbit has a large eccentricity, Pluto’s orbit has a large inclination, and Pluto’s orbit crosses with Neptune’s.

I don’t know why you’d do that, but it’s not my paper.

Both your co-author’s version and yours are grammatical, but his is odd for the stylistic repetition that seems to have no basis, and yours is jarring because the subject of your sentence is elements, which themselves don’t cross Neptune’s orbit.

I doubt your co-author has read Elements of Style in decades.

Attribution
Source : Link , Question Author : Walter , Answer Author : deadrat

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