combining sentences make sense?

I have written the following construction 2 months ago.

Our modification addresses the problem where objects that are attached
to the dominant vertical object are described.

Now I am confused with the last two words and thinking that these 2 words can not be joined to get a single sentence. So, do you think that keeping these two words make sense and follow the grammatical rules?

Answer

This is the negative example of writer’s mantra “Don’t use passive voice”.

The sentence is correct, makes sense, but is misguiding. It makes it sound like the fact that these attached objects are described is a problem to be addressed. No, the sentence merely identifies the problem as the one describing these elements (and some problems with them). Still, the passive voice moves the focus of the sentence from “problem” and “elements” to “described”, as if that description was the source of the problem.

That constitutes a stylistic error.

Our modification addresses the problem involving objects that are attached to the dominant vertical object.

That way involving (a weaker verb than “describe”) merely connects the two focal points of the sentence: the problem and the attached objects, instead of becoming a focal point itself.

Attribution
Source : Link , Question Author : niro , Answer Author : SF.

Leave a Comment