A certain emotion I felt when the internet refuses to connect for an hour with no traceable error messages:
“Imagine all sound you heard started to damp down until only complete silence is heard, while at the same time, everything blackout slowly. Now imagine years of unsolved feeling of injustice, fury, anger and resentment, all concentrated and localised into a pitch black point somewhere near the floor, glowing a very dim void like gray violet color. Imagine you are so frustrated, so angry and so resentful that you want to lash out at someone, except you cannot because the consequences is even more dire. The result is a pure gray violet black kind of impression, all focused to a point of pitch black, and is threatening to drag a lot of sensory feelings and other emotions to it, like waterfalls cascading into a chasm.
This extremely concentrated, emotion is like something extremely potent being contained, or like a maximally charged capacitor. It is on the brink of erupting, except it cannot”
Trying to name this emotion, but “dread”, “resentment”, “hatred”, “abyssal”, “grudge”,”infuriation”,”hell”,”enrage”,”embitter” etc. all sound too weak, even if the modifer “unbounded”, “transcendental”, “extreme” is added. “Despair” seemed to be incomplete, as it seems to be “despair but with something more”.
I think a possible way to figure out how to name it is some kind of word that describe the following sentence:
“a state of helpelessness so intense that time literally stops in its tracks, or the inverse of the saying when deep romance seemed to stop time”
There is a very short word which encapsulates some of the complex feelings you describe. From Lexico
1 Violent uncontrollable anger.
Many artists never get past their anger and inner rage, many have died trying.
However, because you do not act out the rage, in this case it seems to be
and the lack of internet makes you aware of it. It is arguably a dangerous state of mind to be in.