Which from the two given texts is better? [closed]

I had a small argument over my sister’s homework. Can you tell me please, which text is better in terms of grammar and narration?
1) Uzbekistan during the spring is one of my most favourite places to be. The first greenery appears in the early days of February. During this season the sun is bright but not as warm as in summer. When it comes to March, the trees begin their blooming. Now and then a warm and gentle rain will fall accompanied by rolling thunder. After it ends, it might cover the sky with a beautiful arc of colourful light. The spring in Uzbekistan is just magnificent.
2) One of the most important places which I prefer in Uzbekistan become during spring. Every year the trees begin to blooming in the beginning of March. During the spring there are gentle rain falls with accompanying thunderstorms. After ending there is might be beautiful rainbow in the sky. In Uzbekistan the spring is just magnificent.
If you can, for both, please mention what are the mistakes and why it is wrong.
Thank you very much in advance.

Answer

Beautiful description. I have never been in Uzbekistan but I have often seen this kind of weather in my home county in Ontario, Canada. Our spring comes two or three months later than in Uzbekistan. I will critique both versions of this paragraph. The first one is by far the best but contains a few errors.

First Version

I will copy the entire text, and bold-face the mistakes for discussion.

Uzbekistan during the spring is one of my most favourite places to be.
The first greenery appears in the early days of February. During this
season the sun is bright but not as warm as in summer. When it comes
to March, the trees begin their blooming.

I’m not sure why but we don’t say it that way. Here are two different ways to say this in English:

  1. When March comes, the trees start blooming.
  2. In March the trees bloom.

You can play around with the wording, e.g.:

  • When March comes the trees begin to bloom.
  • Come March, the trees begin to bloom.

To say “Come March…” or “Come Saturday…” or “When it comes time to..” merely means “When March arrives…” or “When Saturday arrives…” or “when it’s time to…” It’s a rather idiomatic way of speaking and might not be so easy for English Language Learners. However, if you move to a land of native English-speakers you will hear it. Hence I include it here.

Now and then a warm and gentle rain will fall accompanied by rolling thunder.

That is grammatically correct and we may sometimes say it that way. However, when we are describing a season like this in English, normally we say:

Now and then a gentle rains falls accompanied by rolling thunder.

Again, I’m not sure why but it is the way we speak. We don’t say “rain will fall,” just “rain falls.” Normally, we say “rain will fall” when we describe the scientific cycle of evaporation and condescension that causes rain.

After it ends,

That is grammatically correct but it sounds clumsy. We generally say something like:

  • Afterwards…
  • When the shower/rain is over…

it might cover the sky with a beautiful arc of colourful light.

To understand your meaning for this, I had to read Version 2. You mean a rainbow arcing across the sky.

The spring in Uzbekistan is just magnificent.

Again, this is grammatically correct but it is not the way we speak. We don’t use an article in front of spring for this kind of sentence. We say:

Spring in Uzbekistan is just magnificent.

For an ELL discussion on leaving out the article for some nouns, see Omission of articles in phrases.

I am not sure about using the word “just.” Maybe it is okay, or maybe it should be omitted. In my mother-tongue we use it but I think my friends who have all their lives spoken only English might not. They would put a lot of feeling in the word “magnificent” and say:

Spring in Uzbekistan is magnificent.

Second Version

I will continue with the same method of highlighting errors with bold-face for discussion.

One of the most important places which I prefer in Uzbekistan become during spring.

I have to read Version 1 to understand the meaning of this.

Every year the trees begin to blooming in the beginning of March.

This is very good but not grammatically correct. The correct way is either:

  1. begin to bloom, OR

  2. begin blooming.

You cannot use “to” with a word that ends in “ing.”

During the spring there are gentle rain falls with accompanying
thunderstorms.

This is grammatically correct except “rainfalls” is one word. I think that sentence is cute or quaint: There are gentle rainfalls accompanied by thunderstorms.

Okay, I changed a few words around to make it smoother. The original is fine except for the split word. However, it is more common to say “showers” instead of “rainfalls.”

Also, thunderstorm sounds rather incongruent to accompany “gentle rainfall” or “gentle shower.” For this reason, I prefer “rolling thunder” of Version 1. Another common description of thunder that is not a violent storm is “rumbling thunder.”

After ending there is might be beautiful rainbow in the sky.

This is wrong. I will divide it into two parts:

  • After ending
  • is might be

After ending…

We have to say what is ending. Since the previous part was about gentle rains and rolling thunder, it is reasonable to think this means when the showers end. We can say:

After the rainfall ends…

…is might be…

The words “is might be” never go together in a row like that. We cannot say: There is might be…

Here are two things we can say:

  1. There is…

  2. There might be…

We might rewrite your sentence like this:

After the rainfall (or shower) ends, there might be a beautiful
rainbow in the sky.

Please note that I inserted the indefinite article “a.” An article is needed in front of rainbow in that sentence because it’s just one of many rainbows that appear in the sky.

In Uzbekistan the spring is just magnificent.

This sentence is grammatically correct but somewhat clumsy. As discussed for Version 1, we do not put an article in front of spring when used like this. As also discussed, the word “just” is probably not needed. The best way to say it is:

Spring in Uzbekistan is magnificent.

Magnificent is such a magnificent word, so superlative, like an apple trees in all its glory of pink blossoms against a clear blue sky, that no modifiers are needed. I don’t know a better way of saying it but that is the impression I get from listening to English-speakers speak.

Attribution
Source : Link , Question Author : Artur Shalimov , Answer Author : Sarah Bowman

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