I would like to write an essay which gives information about the charts but because I am not native English speaker, when I started to write down my essay I came across the similar problems that I do sometimes.
Here my sentence:
Figure 1 and figure 2 show the percentage of people, WHOSE age is between 25-44 and over 65, WHO purchased concert, cinema and theater tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries, WHICH are Australia, the UK, Malaysia.
Here is my questions:
1.How can I give the information of age and of what do people buy in one sentence?
2.Such vital and important information on the figures can be used as indefinite relative clause?
Answer
I would simplify it by omitting some of the relative pronouns.
Figures 1 and 2 show the percentage of people age 25 and over who purchased concert, cinema and theater tickets online during the first three months of 2006 in Australia, the UK and Malaysia.
I believe this is clear, concise and grammatically correct.
(is it really necessary to say 25-44 and over, since that includes everyone over 44 as well?)
Attribution
Source : Link , Question Author : Mrt , Answer Author : Sarah M.
